6 Tips to Unburden Mumlife
The pressures of motherhood are real. More and more mums are becoming overburdened with the pressures to meet all their children's emotional, social, physical, intellectual and spiritual needs. Feeding them healthy, organic meals made from scratch, making sure they are being stimulated, enjoying quality time, giving them boundaries and at the same time supporting and validating them when they are upset. One of my friends said recently, "on top of everything else, I feel pressured to heal myself and my childhood trauma while at the same time not harming my own kids."
There is a facade of perfection pressuring mums to be and do everything for their families; grow and farm our own food, home school our children, keep the house and everyone organised and try and have everyone happy including our partners. The result is mums that feel isolated, unsupported, overworked, over stressed and under appreciated.
Social media isn't helping with people only showing the good sides of their lives. There is this perception that everyone else has it worked out and life is perfect for them. We compare ourselves and feel like we are failing and cant get it together.
Do you recognise yourself in any of this?
What can we do?
1.Turn away from social media: Time can be eaten up so quickly when we endlessly scroll. Setting ourselves boundaries around what we will do and for how long is helpful. I know one mum who is limiting herself to one hour a day, whatever you decide, give yourself some structure to help you keep to it, eg put on a timer.
2. Learn to say no: Trying to be everything to everyone is unhealthy, we need to prioritise and know what our limits are. Our family are our priority, if we are feeling overwhelmed and finding that life is stressful enough, say no to everyone else who wants our time. Coming up with a line is something I do, to help me have the courage to be firm in my boundaries. Say something like; 'Thank you for thinking of me, I am not able to participate, help out or be involved at the moment, but I appreciate the invitation'.
3. Know our own capabilities: When our expectations are too high then we can become really disheartened and frustrated. We take it out on everyone else and then we carry around guilt that eats us up. One of my clients felt that she had her ambitions and her abilities all mixed up and this can especially true with young children. Be kind to yourself, only run as fast as you are able, then rest. Go with the natural cycles of life. Sometimes we have energy and sometimes we don't. Some say the moon cycles have an impact on energy levels, but either way learn to go with it. Embrace the quiet times, the still and silent times and see them as recharging our batteries ready to go again when we are able. When we do this we become more present, we model to our children our values around embodiment and connection and as we do this we parent in a more calm and authentic manner.
4.Time management: I don't make lists. Lists to me feel heavy, they burden me with expectations that I'm putting on myself, but if a list is helpful then do it, just don't feel that you have to. We all thrive on routine to some degree or another, so make sure the things that need to be routine are, then allow flexibility around that. For me prioritising time is organic, I choose in any given moment what feels to be the most important thing to do. Some days its just about survival and that's okay too. The ability to prioritise involves asking ourselves questions such as, what is the most important thing to do right now, then listen to what our heart and mind are telling us. The concept of our lives being in perfect balance is unrealistic. The scales are always moving, there is always something different being added to them and we are never able to have them be still and balanced, so abandon the idea that you need to find the perfect balance and replace it with; in any given situation I'm doing the best I can.
5. Self care: this is one thing I REALLY strive to do each day to help me feel stronger and empowered and that is some form of self care. Whether its 5 mins or 30 mins (I adapt it depending on what is going on), I always make sure I give myself that gift of filling my own cup, so that I am ready to give to others. This means getting up earlier than everyone else - which also means I go to bed early, getting enough sleep is a priority and making myself a priority is vital to well-being. See my blog on self care for more on this
6. Look at the big picture: Children are ours for a very short time. When we are in the thick of it, we may feel like we cant catch a break. We may also feel that we are suffocating and drowning under the pressure. We can get bogged down in the details of life, striving so hard we forget to look up. Time does move quickly and phases come and go. Remembering to look up and view our situation from another angle is important. Instead of seeing ourselves from a daily perspective, look back from a weekly or monthly viewpoint. Gathering other's ideas can also be helpful, ask for help, ask for advice, get ideas from other people. Read blogs or listen to podcasts. Overall there is always progress and success to celebrate, so make sure you take the moment to appreciate your efforts.
If you are struggling to let go of your own or other's expectations and enjoy your mumlife, and if you are ready to feel more calm and confident on a daily basis, then I have an amazing gift for you. For a limited time only, I am reserving a spot for a complimentary, no obligation, free EXPERIENCE JOY mini coaching call.
This is for those mums who are feeling disconnected and lost and are 100% ready to find themselves, if this is you then click here to book a call today.
In light and love